rain shares my tears,

Apparently, I went sourcing for pictures which explained my mood now and my mind told me to blog. The radio said I'm a thinking person, pls send someone to whack the radio station down case there's talking awesome rubbish. When I meant awesome was that, they srsly knew how to make people believe them.

I feel like crying, my tears are flooding in my eyes yet I ask myself why am I putting on a strong front. I want to cry out, I want someone to call me and ask me how i'm feeling now, I want a leaning shoulder, I want just one wish. A wish to pass my exams without any Cs, and having 5 A1/A2, knowing it's impossible already.

5 questions to be done, I only did 4. Ha! Say byebye to my A1. I always wanted to ask myself, why keep myself happy to other people when inside, I'm breaking down in tears. But, the answer to myself was when i'm happy the people around me will be. But what's the sickening point of being happy when i'm sad deep down inside.

Now, there's 2 sarahs standing on my shoulder (cartoon?) it's an angel and a devil. The devil ranting at my ears while the angel singing sweet melodies at my other side of the ears. Now, I asked God, why am I feeling this? Shouldn't I be a strong girl, following my wishlist of being strong?

But the truth is, deep down inside i'm crying so much that the outside skin is going to peel off. Yet, I'm putting on a strong front of braveness. I don't want to hide my inner self, yet there's a need too. I used to be a happy girl, didn't bother much of the things around me whether it was exams, friends or the environment. I was the one that cheered myself and people around me.

Now, I lost myself. I can feel that i'm no longer myself. but still, denying the fact that Sarah is lost. I'm blasting my ears with Christ songs now, to motivate me and keep me happy again. Reading inspirational quotes to cheer myself up. I really want to do well for Eoy and my life. If it's possible, make it happen for me.

Cause, no matter how much I study, no matter how much I look at things brightly. I always face another problem, I have to fight this battle myself. I'm the winner, but not all winners win. Maybe, I'm not the studying type. Maybe I'm just in the Conbination D. Maybe I'm not made for an e1. Life has too many maybes, so i ask myself why live life this way, won't it make you unhappy.

I guess, the only way is to find the lost me, stop the temptation and regain the lost confidence. yes, I'm a bad impression of you to follow. Don't look at me, I'm the pink sheep.