Thoughts since last century

Sometimes ppl ask me what made the changes, the great leap from sec 1 to sec 2 to the current me.

I think it's life who made the changes, but trying to get back to who I am makes me really weird.

And I like the current me. I don't think the current me is really that bad either.

Sometimes I feel i've no friends at all. And sometimes i feel the people around me are the ones who are here to crush my world. Sometimes I feel that i'm always the one getting bullied. But I kept it all inside me. Reason being, letting out causing unhappiness around others too. And why not. Let me be the only me being unhappy. And finally, ytd after the talk with kimneo patchan and reno, i found myself so stupid to be doing that. Likea idiotic loser.

I need to step out of my comfort zone and widen my circle. and learn to be independant! Cos not all friendships last till the end. But maybe i'm just too paranoid...

or jealous that even whatever they do, they still have better friends.

I need somebody that really gives each other space and we're both independant. Hi i found my bff, its bearbearella :) Hehh i luv her alot! So if one day, one is busy with her boyf, one is busy with her emotions or whatever shit, one is busy with other friends? I'll still be a happykid.

Ok i know i said alot of times. But yes, not going to waste tears and other shit on friendships that are not worth. I'm a cruel person, probably everybody will start leaving me soon. Hah.

Must. Stop. Thinking. So. Much.

I just needed someone to talk to at times. Ok but then again, if i had someone to talk to, I wouldn't talk to the person because i've become someone who no longer likes sharing my relationship. No, not because i don't trust them but because i prefer to keep it to myself and try resolving it myself instead of bothering them.

Ok then i'll be back to square one again.

When i'm with my friends, i like the mood to be fun and good. I'm suppose to be happy when i'm with them right? And i don't want the mood to be ruin with all those friendship shit and nobody will enjoy. Cos they'll start being "oh, cheer up" like being sympathetic? They'll! It's like a norm in all friends.

Like you get what I mean??? I'm suppose to be taking my mind off and be at least glad i've friends still.

Well, i received like msges from my friends that i'm disconnecting from them. And the way they say it, it's like my fault. And no, i'm not blaming anyone. It's just that I'm already feeling so bad, yet they don't bother asking. It makes me feel even worser.

Making me feel lonely, and even though there're ppl around me which aren't the world to me, i'll find that i'm non-existant their lives. I hate that. And the cycle will just continue.

I hate those cycles. And what's the point in continuing the cycle when it's an unhappy one. Simply, i'll just stop the cycle.

From friends, to complete strangers. And even though we stay as friends, it's a drifted kind. No one likes it. I don't like it, I hate it. I never had a strong heart.

I'm going to buddle myself up, and cry over this post.