Thinking back

End of year, made me start giving up slowly, losing confidence slowly. This is life, isn't it? Often, we stop at some point in our lives and start thinking back of what we've done. And, always regret of what we've done in the past. 15 years in my life, i've regretted alot.

In life, I've lived, learned, lost and regret. Living 15 years, going through for 15 years been a tough roller coaster ride despite the innocent first years in life and the breakthrough in maturity. and we still regret what we've done.

In primary sch, the cutest little girl you could think of. In those cute little uniforms that could barely fit you now. I miss being young. I didn't have to worry for the next few years because my parents had already taken care of. Yet now, every single movement is highlighted with "your future".

Being a primary sch kid, i didn't have any worries. All been taken care of. I started to get complacent in life. Still being mummy's little angel and daddy's jem in life. Reached the year when we could finally could step out of primary. Didn't play any attention in lessons and gambled dumb things like connect 4.

Took psle, got an aggregate of 219. It wasn't good at all. My parents were disappointed with me. very disappointed, in fact. I get a scolding from my dad, who didn't scold me before. I decided to start being a good ace-star student.

Entered beatty secondary. If you know me well, I been a straight A student during sec 1. Mostly all teachers had a good impression of me. I lose contact with my primary sch friends. Started my life once again, long skirt pinned-up fringe high socks. Promoted up to 2E1'09, with all my great friends. marienne and co.

Got into council. Plainly because of council, i had to maintain the image of a student role-model. With my friends beside me, who were all the smart ppl, i had to study even harder. I didnt want to feel so stupid beside them.

Studied even harder. Started having contact with pri sch friends during june. Started having friends outside, starting latenights during sch hols. Results deproved greatly during end of year'09 . Got promoted to 3E.

This year in 3E2. Sch life, had a new circle of friends. Debbiechua andysng james and co. Hang out later at nights. Had my first clubbing night, had my first alcohol. Got kicked out of council, with quekqian. We both felt upset. Scolded noballslee on our blogs, got into serious trouble and kicked out of council.

I luv sch life without council. although, not being in council made me drift from my friends too. I didn't care anymore, i just thought having my outside friends, joan and co, was the awesome thing alrdy. Results dropped so badly that during midyears, i overall failed. Mrlim spoke to my mother during ptm. i cried so badly, yet still i didnt work even harder..

Now, here, in the exam period. I dont even have the basic confidence in sitting the papers. I'm so afraid of retaining, but i have no mood to study. With friends like, debbie andy claire and rest encouraging me every now and then, i knew i have to work hard.

Study study study. is that what we are suppose to do at age? I've lived for 15 years, seeing things and learning things every now and then. Perhaps, this year is the year i lost the greatest no. of friends. but i still think that, if the friendship is meant to be and given by God, it will work out somemore even without both efforts.

Teachers no longer have good impressions. Its all bad. But i thank god he made me survive till now. I've lived, learned, lost and regret.

Friends, since sec 1. I been hit with many. Friends do come and go. When will one find the right circle of friends? When will one finally realised that the friendship is impossible to lose?

Love, major failure, needless to say. I'm always been the one being hurt. The last been the most serious one, yet major fail. I don't need a guy to love. Just something to mend a broken heart of a girl.

Another wordy post. yea, i'm sorry about it. emotional moments.
shall hit the books, nights. pray that i won't get retain too.
xx

PS: debbiechua, work hard. like you said, we'll promote tgt. its another 5 days. endure all the way. don't give up and bow down to retaining. totally not worth, look back and learn the mistakes you've made. Don't carrying with it, don't live with regret too. you too, andysng.