No one's perfect

i don't have to pretend that I'm strong when I'm not.
I don't have to hide behind the mask and pretend that I'm happy all day long.
But, why I'm doing it. I feel bad for myself, but why.


I cry, I cry and cry. There's nothing else I can do anymore. ):
My mom is not telling me who told her, and blaming everything on me now.
Ya, I used fuck. I used a total of 20 fucks in the post which I have deleted already.

Why God please tell me why. Why am I going through this.
All I know that, I never ever cried so much on a matter before. And esp this now.
15 days to the investiture and I have to be out now.
Right now, and decision can't be changed.

What had happened to the word "democracy".
What had happened to the word "fairness''.
What had happenned to "freedom of speech".
What had happened to "student happiness/wellfare".

Why am I crying over this again and again?
Why I'm the one facing this only and not other person.
Why when at the weakest point in my life, all the unhappiness cramps up together.
I can't concentrate and bring a strong front everyday to school.

I feel betrayed. I feel as though my heart isn't with me anyone.
"Follow you heart" isn't the way anymore.
"Following the enermy's heart" seems to be what it is already.
I don't feel myself anymore. I don't feel as though I'm suppose to be living in this world.

If mothers were the one to be there to protect and support you,
why my mom isn't doing it. Yet, just pushing everything to me.
Why does my dad seems better to me now, instead of my mom.
I still love my mom as my mother, but somehow, I love my dad, sist and bro now only.

From the day before investiture to by this week to by tomorrow.
Why are they so eager in kicking me out?
Do they find joy in seeing someone else crying over something over and over again?
Why are there different types of people over me?

Teachers who treated me so nice, I just love them.
Some of them who were so nice to me, just stabbed me in my heart.
I really really can sense that my heart has broken.
Why do I have to keep on telling myself, stop crying and be strong. Why.

I don't know what to do.
I feel drained out, betrayed and finding myself in a stoning and confused state now.
I really really want to end everything now. I really really want too.
ya, all i can think of is blades, blades, blades.

Is that really the end in my council life?
Why do I see it in such a great aspect in my life?
I don't know why either. I really really want to continue on.
but seriously, what else can I do.

I'm not quiting with pride and honour now.
It's just like a "forced" stepping down where leaving me no choice to choose.
Stepping down is the only way.
I need help, major help.

There's piano and tuition later. I doubt I can even concentrate.
Even Justin Bieber's songs aren't making me feel better.
Is the hard way the only way for me now?

x