tell me what's harmony and peace

dear God,
prayers get to you quickly but i feel better writing/typing it out. I meant to say, what's harmony and peace in your mind. Please srsly let me know what's harmony and peace in your mind. If the world was suppose to be in harmony and peace, why is it in a disaster? If families were meant to be, why there isn't any harmony or peace?

it's satan's work. yes, I know. But why you're not doing anything about it? I'm not doubting your words, but i prayed and prayed and prayed. I just want to know why no response. It takes time, but i can't wait for the time. I really don't want to go back into the past, where I looka t my bloog dripping out and crying on the floor. I really don't watch to take the blades and start slashing. I just got rid of the scars. But maybe it's just the outside, but inside can't be gotten rid.

but, I really thank you God. You made me stronger. cause now, I don't think of blades first, friends are first to me. I got back the confidence I lost in friends, i'm glad. But, maybe it's time, it's time I think of my life. A happy one I want, not the tears and crying everyday life. I had enough of it, enough of the childish behaviour and pettyness she shows. it's taking a big confidence to do this, but I really have to do this, if not my life is really ruined.

Doing this could be defying you. I'm sorry, and I know you would forgive me. I'm ready for the conssequences doing this. And I know, Ihave friends that would be supporting me in what i'm doing. It's the first time, but maybe won't be my last time. Cause if this continues on, I might not even run out, dying qould be the next choice on the list. And still, I thank God for giving Valencia as my friend :)

I'm sorry God for doing all these. I know i'm a failure this way. I just got to find my life the correct path I want it to be cause it's MY life. I don't want to be in controlled. I had enuogh of those threatenings, scoldings, naggys, pettyness she shows. It's time, to escape this. I'm sorry God, I'm not the type you think that I would be able to control this type of treatment. You know how I feel? I'm like some servant, and she being Empress Dowager.

I seriously had enough of her childish behaviour. I mean like she's already a mother and quite old, what's with the cold war? Not talking? And jsut passing notes? I really don't know, i really don't know how to settle this, but I think this quite be the best way to have calm way. Maybe avoiding it and draging on could be a good idea too. With your cold war? Yes, if you don't want talk, just say it. I won't talk to you either. You started it, then you shall end it. I won't be the one who going to talk first.

I got full marks for maths. not even a sense of encouragement or praises. Wow. I fail, you also don't say anything. Then what's the point of failing and passing. I jsut want you to give me a touch of your love and praises, is that just too much I ask for? If so, say it. I won't ask for more. I have other adults to sign the paper for me. You're not the only adult in this world.

It's enough for everything. I'm sorry God. Forgive me and cleanse me once again. And I hope, this deicision I made, you would be helping and supporting me.